Marriages, as you know, most often start with a glorious and joyful bang. And as you may also know, if the title of this article caught your eye, marriages can show signs of a slow fizzle within a matter of several surprising years.
Husbands and wives may begin to feel disconnected, despite the fact that married people tend to share every intimate detail of their lives, from roof to car to bed.
We might typically blame the distractions of life and the cultural busyness by which we find ourselves driven, but there can be other factors that contribute to a sense of marital disconnection. If you find yourself in that space, now is a good time to contemplate if there are any warning signs in your marriage that point to a rift in communication.
You just might need to make some changes.
As with all relationships, it takes more than one person to make things work. If you are sensing a disconnection with your spouse, request that they sit down with you and ask yourselves a few questions. Do you and your spouse see any of the following warning signs occurring in your marriage?
5 Warning Signs You Need to Reconnect with Your Spouse:
1. You’re like two ships passing in the night.
Welcome to 21st-century living, where we try to cram in as much productivity and activity into each and every day as we possibly can. In our “you only live once” approach to career, family, and relationships, we are driven to produce more, do more, see more, and experience more.
Even if one spouse is not a breadwinner and opts to stay home and take care of the household management and children, our schedules can drive us right past each other as one spouse heads out the door while the other returns to put their feet up on the couch.
All relationships can and should tolerate some distance, but the reality is, if your marriage is characterized by constant hit-and-miss, you’re naturally going to feel as if you are disconnected from your spouse.
If you’re like two ships passing in the night, this may be the signal that you need to stop the boat and drop anchor. Take some time to make adjustments in the calendar and realign your schedules. One big alteration or 10 minor modifications may be the course correction you need to reconnect with one another.
2. Little things have become way bigger issues than they should be.
Ah, yes. We’ve all experienced the mountain-out-of-a-molehill syndrome, where tiny barbs or side comments become surprise volcanic eruptions exploding seemingly out of nowhere. The shock comes by way of the fact that very few of us saw it coming.
Small hurts, little excuses, careless criticisms—these are the kindling that sparks the fire that threatens to burn the whole house down.
But what if we took a step back for just a moment and saw those little things for what they really are? Little things. Annoyances. The stuff of daily life that gets under our skin if allowed to go unchecked and unforgiven.
And that’s the key: unchecked and unforgiven.
If the root of the distance with your spouse is a compendium of unforgiven small things, you know what you need to do: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you have a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
3. You can’t remember the last time you had sex.
Pushing yourself off to one side of the bed while your spouse is falling asleep an arm’s length across the mattress every night ought to be a clear signal that distance has come between the two of you. As a wife who has allowed our sex life to wain because so many other things were pulling at our time, let me encourage you to fight ardently for this crucial component of your marriage.
I know that sex can be complicated. I know that all kinds of issues can enter into the marriage bed and affect the relationship there. However, until there is an acknowledgment that something is amiss, healing can’t begin. It may be time to get some professional counseling.
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