Welcome to Surviving and Thriving in The Rough Love Road Marriage & Family podcast. This is episode #11. My name is Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society International. I am married to my first and only wife, the former Meriqua Althea Dixon, of Christiana, Jamaica, for over 32 years, and God has blessed our marriage with seven children. The simple purpose of this podcast is to help husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, and children understand that true Christian marriage and family life in most cases will be a Rough Love Road experience. The Christian marriage and family is designed to break you, make you, and mold you to be what you need to be for the glory of God. And contrary to lying, hypocritical and phony Christian leaders and people today who fake like that is not the case or compromise to try to make it not the case, thus violating God’s Holy Word, the Bible, and contrary to most Christian authors today on the family, to have a victorious Christian marriage and family it is not about cute techniques, manipulation and compromise, it is about simple obedience to the Bible especially in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6, working from a position of Godly authority with the husband (male) being the head of every marriage and family under God and Jesus Christ, and the wife (female) being in submission to her husband whether she likes it or not, and with the children being in obedience to their parents whether they like it or not. So marriage and family will be a Rough Love Road experience and, yes, it will take “tough love” as well. The only way to have your family to turn out well “in time to come” is by simply being obedient to God’s Holy Word whether you feel like it or not. Which in other words means staying together with your first spouse and not divorcing, which is your biggest sign of success. By the way, I am very sorry, but this podcast is not for divorced people, it is designed for young couples who are determined to stick it out no matter what, it is for couples who may have had some problems in the past but are determined to obey God and stay together no matter how they feel, and it is for people who believe that keeping their vows to God and staying together and not divorcing is a worthy goal and means success in marriage in God’s sight, and for people for whom divorce is simply not an option. Any compromise, any games, any lies will cause your family to be a failure as opposed to being victorious.
Our scripture passage for this episode is Ephesians 5:23-24 which states, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Now, allow me to share with you more commentary on this passage from David Guzik:
f. Therefore: We see in this passage three reasons for a wife’s submission to her husband:
· It is part of her obedience to Jesus (as to the Lord).
· It is appropriate to the order of creation (the husband is the head of the wife).
· It is appropriate because of the model of the relationship between Jesus and the Church (as also Christ is head of the church… as the church is subject to Christ).
i. The first reason is compelling enough, but in itself it doesn’t close the issue. If all we had was as to the Lord, it might be fair enough to ask, “Aren’t men to live as to the Lord also? Shouldn’t men submit to their wives in obedience to Jesus in the same way?” Then you wouldn’t have a real “head” of the home. This is the goal in some marriages. “No one is really in charge. We’re equal partners. I’ll submit to you sometimes and you submit to me other times. We’ll just let Jesus be our head and work out each situation as it comes along and see who will submit to whom.”
ii. To say it simply, that isn’t a Biblical marriage relationship. It ignores the essential order of creation, and it ignores the model of the relationship between Jesus and the Church. This leads us to carefully notice something in general about submission. The principle of submission is presented in many different ways in the New Testament.
· Jesus submitted to His parents (Luke 2:51).
· Demons submitted to the disciples (Luke 10:17).
· Citizens should submit to government authority (Romans 13:1 and 5, Titus 3:1, 1 Peter 2:13).
· The universe will submit to Jesus (1 Corinthians 15:27 and Ephesians 1:22).
· Unseen spiritual beings submit to Jesus (1 Peter 3:22).
· Christians should submit to church leaders (1 Corinthians 16:15-16 and Hebrews 13:17).
· Wives should submit to husbands (Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, 1 Peter 3:5, Ephesians 5:22-24).
· The church should submit to Jesus (Ephesians 5:24).
· Servants should submit to masters (Titus 2:9 and 1 Peter 2:18).
· Christians should submit to God (Hebrews 12:9 and James 4:7).
Our quote for this episode is from Jay Adams. He said, “Sex in Scripture is holy, normal, right, proper and good… There is nothing wrong with sex; and marriage, indeed, is the proper framework for the expression of it. Sex according to Scripture, is not unholy of itself, but only when it is misused. It ought never to be used outside of the covenant bond. It should be used freely within this structure. God has so ordained. God strongly encourages sexual relations. Sex may be enjoyed, but only according to the Biblical principle that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” Indeed, the most enjoyable aspect of sexual intercourse is not the personal release experience in one’s own orgasm but rather in the pleasure of satisfying one’s marriage partner. Husbands and wives are required to satisfy their partners. He may not withhold his body in order to get even with his wife. She may not use sex as a bargaining factor. Sexual relations involve giving one’s self freely and fully in love to the other in order to fulfill the other’s need. Scripture is not prudish about sex, but some Christians have become prudish. As if they knew more than God!”
In this podcast, we are using the late John R. Rice’s classic book: “The Home—Courtship, Marriage and Children: A Bible Manual of 22 Chapters on the Christian Home.”
We continue with Chapter 1: Marriage and Home (Part 9):
II. Why Should People Marry? (contd.)
Third, marriage is a necessity because of biological need.
God Himself has formed in human beings a certain sex capacity for marriage and love and home and mating. God Himself has given a hunger, a biological necessity that presses men and women toward marriage. That urge is a holy one. It is normal. It is right. I have heard Christian people speak of sex desire as if it were an evil and wicked thing. I have heard people speak of the normal biological necessity that people feel and call it by an evil name, “lust.” It is true that sex desire can be perverted, can be unholy and wicked, but it is not normally so. Men are made for marriage. Women are made for marriage. God intended that men and women should look forward to mating. Love, courtship, marriage, mating, childbearing—these are the normal futures of normal men and women. We ought to realize that the biological necessities of sex are created in men and women and that for good. Sex is holy.
It is true that sex desire can be perverted. It is true that sex, as flaunted by the moving picture screen, as regaled in the cheap magazines, as indulged in by lewd and immoral and godless people, can be a terrible trap for souls, a God-dishonoring evil. But let us remember that God Himself made man, and God made woman and made them with an innate desire the one for the other. That is one reason for marriage.
In I Corinthians 7:1,2 the Scripture says, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
You see that to avoid fornication is one of the reasons for marriage. The bodily desire which is natural and proper, ought in usual cases, to result in love and marriage at the proper time and in the proper way.
Again in the same chapter, I Corinthians 7:9 says, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” People ought to marry, as a general thing, to avoid the unrest, and avoid the temptation, and avoid the sin, that often comes when people are frustrated in their natural urge of sex.
I do not mean that Christians cannot live happy, noble, continent lives; for they can. Everybody in the world is intended to remain continent and self-possessed until the proper time comes for marriage and the proper mate appears and until the proper and conventional safeguards are met. Certainly honorable, good people can remain continent and can live separate from the opposite sex when that it is necessary. And for some people that is necessary all their lives. In such cases, certainly, any man and woman can have grace to do right and live right. Christians who ought not to marry can have peace and joy and victory day by day. Yet the Scripture is clear that in ordinary cases, to avoid fornication and to avoid the burning of unfulfilled desires, marriage is proper.
We ought not to think of this biological urge, this sex necessity, as calling simply and only for mating. There are many secondary characteristics of this heart-hunger and body-hunger of sex. A man wants to hear a woman’s voice. He wants the ministrations of her kind fingers. He wants to hear her laugh and her chatter. And so a woman feels the need to lean on a man, to depend upon him, to praise him and be praised by him. All of this is part of the sex urge that God has put in a man or in a woman. It is normal and right. A man is so made that he needs a woman. A woman is so made that she needs a man. In ordinary cases this biological urge is a reason for marriage.
— PRAYER —
Now, if you and your family do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, here’s how to.
First, accept the fact that you are a sinner, and that you have broken God’s law. The Bible says in Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”
Second, accept the fact that there is a penalty for sin. The Bible states in Romans 6:23: “For the wages of sin is death…”
Third, accept the fact that you are on the road to hell. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 10:28: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Also, the Bible states in Revelation 21:8: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Now this is bad news, but here’s the good news. Jesus Christ said in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Just believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead by the power of God for you so that you can live eternally with Him. Pray and ask Him to come into your heart today, and He will.
Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”