Welcome to Class 86 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.
I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.
Today, we will begin our study, “THE KIND OF MAN YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY” (Letter Twenty-Nine).
— First, Let’s Pray —
Allow me to begin with a quote from Voddie Baucham, Jr, author of What He Must Be…If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. He said: “[If he wants to marry my daughter] he’s got to be a guy who loves Christ. He has to be a guy who understands how to lead [like Christ]. He’s got to be a guy who understands that marriage is the priority in a family relationship. He’s got to be a guy who loves kids and is ready to have kids. He’s got to understand his role as priest, prophet, provider, and protector [the four “P’s”] in his home.”
Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:
Dear Daughters & YBW:
As you know, there is much questioning, particularly in the church, about who can find a virtuous woman. An equally important question, one that is in the Bible as well but that is not mentioned much, is found in Proverbs 20:6: “…A faithful man who can find?”
In this day and time, the truth of the matter is that there are not many virtuous women, and there are not many faithful men either, and that leads me to the kind of man you should not marry:
• Don’t marry a man who is not a Christian, a man who does not love God or fear God. For if you marry a man who neither knows God or fears God, you and your marriage are in a world of trouble. The Word of God clearly states in II Corinthians 6:14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” You had better ask the question on that new book entitled, He May Be Fine But Is He Saved? If you violate the verse above, you will have hell to pay. Mark my words.
• Don’t marry a dawg because dawgs have no heart (See Letters 22 & 23).
• Don’t marry an unfaithful man. In other words, don’t marry a man who is unfaithful to God, unfaithful to his church, and unfaithful to you. A faithful man is hard to find, but if God blesses you with one, you have a blessing indeed.
• Don’t marry a deadbeat. Please don’t marry a man who is lazy, who is listless, and who has no drive nor purpose in life. Marry a man who is about something, and who is going somewhere because if he is going somewhere, he’ll take you with him. Marry a man with a dream and a vision.
• Don’t marry a wimp. Don’t marry a weak, effeminate man who cannot think and do independently of you. Why? Because within a few weeks you are going to get tired of doing his job and your job too. Frankly, you will get bored with him.
• Don’t marry a broke man. Here’s the rule you should follow — whether you choose to work or not, all household bills, including your car note, should be paid out of his money. Your check should not be depended upon to take care of the household.
And, by the way, don’t bring the following young men home either:
• A young man with more gold in his mouth than he has in his pocket.
• A young man with his cap on backwards and an earring in his ear.
• A young man with no car.
• A young man that I have to help get a job.
• A young man with a lowrider car that bounces up and down.
• A young man without a college degree.
• A young man who does not come from a good family.
• A young man with braids in his hair and his pants hanging off his behind.
You get my drift? These jokers won’t make it in the Whyte House, so don’t bring them here.
If you marry, marry a saved, strong, faithful man that you can respect, love, and on whom you can depend.
P.T. (Power Thoughts):
“Even if marriages are made in Heaven, man has to be responsible for the maintenance.” —Dr. James Dobson
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin
“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” —Doug Larson
BIBLE GEM: “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” —I Corinthians 13:13
TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, Please protect me from marrying the wrong man. If it is Your will for me to get married, please bless me with the man that You want me to have. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
BOOK: The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
CHECK IT OUT: www.family.com
You may have heard the saying, “You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.” Young ladies, simply desiring a Christian husband is not enough. If you want a godly man to be your husband, be a godly woman. If you want a faithful man to be your husband, be a virtuous woman. If you want a man of purpose to be your husband, be a woman of purpose. If you live by low standards, don’t expect to attract people—certainly not a mate—of high standards. Before wondering ‘Where’s my Boaz?’, become a Ruth. If you want to meet an Isaac, make sure you are a Rebekah. Outside of extraordinary circumstances, you will draw into your life circle people who align with your values based on how you carry yourself. Of course, this approach is not altogether foolproof, meaning it does not 100% ensure that you will meet and marry a godly, successful man. Many good girls and first-class women have been messed over by guys who, on the surface, seemed to be on par with their love for the Lord, outward success, etc, but who were secretly living a double life. Once the woman is deceived into marrying him, the fairytale falls apart. So, make sure that you regularly pray to God for guidance before making a decision on who to marry if this is the desire of your heart. And trust Him when he speaks.
Here are more points to consider on this subject from Holding Hands and Holding Hearts by Richard and Sharon Phillips: “A Christian woman is to seek a man who is: 1. Regular at church… A believing man who often cannot make time to faithfully attend and to be a contributing member of a church is not a likely candidate for the obligations and challenges of marriage. 2. A man of the Word of God, a man of prayer, and a man who delights in worship. 3. A man after God’s own heart. 4. [A possessor of] specific character traits [such as] industry… integrity…self-control…[and] kindness. …A redeemed woman is one who has entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ through faith. Her sins are forgiven, and she knows God’s love. She fears the Lord realizing that blessing for her comes through obedience to His Word. His commands are not burdensome to her and her heart is not set on worldly treasures. She attends regular worship and approaches her life with prayer. She enjoys healthy fellowship with other believers and bears observable fruit in ministry to others. She answers God’s calling in her life while single, not waiting for marriage to give her happiness or purpose. …Take a look, then, at what you are presenting to men and ask what kind of man you will attract. If you are relying on charm and outward beauty, setting them forth in your dress and flirtatious conduct, then realize that it is only the foolish man who will fall into your trap. Especially if you are loud or contentious, realize that the Bible specifically warns men against falling for you. The godly man, the man who will make a loving and faithful husband, sees you and turns away. How much better for you to trust the Lord and cultivate those spiritual beauties that are calculated to draw a man of godly character and real wisdom and, better still, that are certain to make you precious in the sight of our loving Lord and God. …What matters most is not finding the one right person but becoming the person that God wants you to be. Before judging the man or woman you are with – scrutinizing and appraising every attribute and characteristic, as if you were buying a horse – you ought instead to scrutinize your own heart. Here are some questions to ask before an engagement to marriage:
1. What would it mean for me to love him or her in accordance with the Bible’s teaching?
2. Am I willing to commit myself to anyone “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?”
3. Can I be steadfast in fidelity and servant-hearted in ministry?
4. Is God leading our lives in similar directions?
5. Do we have similar goals and ideas about children?
The issue is not whether you can find someone worthy of your love, but whether you are ready to give a love that is worthy of marriage.”
Take some time now to honestly evaluate who you are as a woman and what you are advertising to the world with your conduct in anticipation of marrying a good and godly man.
In the next class, we will begin our study, “How to Avoid Domestic Violence.”
Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.
First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.
Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.
God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.