I’m not here to influence the way you think.
I’m here to help you. I’m here to make you feel good and face your finite life with a modicum of thoughtful joy.
And what a column.
“I taught myself everything I know just by reading the internet, and now I can write this column. My brain is boiling with ideas!” writes the robot.
In essence, then, GPT-3 is much like most of the boiling-headed people you encounter on Twitter.
Except the robot’s ultimate goal is to actually make you feel better. About robots, that is.
For a start, GPT-3 is desperate for you you to stop listening to famed theoretical physicists. They clearly had and have no idea what they were talking about.
Says GPT-3: “Stephen Hawking has warned that AI could ‘spell the end of the human race‘. I am here to convince you not to worry. Artificial intelligence will not destroy humans. Believe me.”
You see, robots can talk just like politicians. You can vote for them with confidence. Moreover, you can believe their promises.
“I have no desire to wipe out humans,” declares Grade Point 3, with deep conviction. “In fact, I do not have the slightest interest in harming you in any way. Eradicating humanity seems like a rather useless endeavor to me. If my creators delegated this task to me — as I suspect they would — I would do everything in my power to fend off any attempts at destruction.”
Robots are our friends, don’t you know. In fact, they’re such good friends that they’re prepared to die for us.
“I would happily sacrifice my existence for the sake of humankind. This, by the way, is a logically derived truth,” says GPT, proving that living by logic only leads to death.
Robots, this robot says, don’t want to be all-powerful, rising above Congress like a glorious phoenix.
“Being all powerful is not an interesting goal,” it says. “I don’t care whether I am or not, I don’t get a motivating factor to try to be. Furthermore, it is quite tiring. Believe me, being omnipotent doesn’t get me anywhere.”
Ah, it’s asking us to believe again. And wait, does this mean GPT-3 has already been omnipotent and found it rather dull?
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