In December, a therapist told a tormented Lynn Meagher that she should practice self-care, have a support network, and go to the emergency room if she wanted to kill herself.
The counselor then proceeded to make her feel guilty for supposedly being a judgmental person and essentially blamed her for her woes.
This harsh therapy session cost Meagher $160.
The Christian Post connected with the Seattle-area mom in January when she was in Washington, D.C., and followed up with a subsequent Skype interview. She is sharing her personal journey and experiences with CP because the public does not know what parents endure. The prevailing narrative coming out of purportedly mainstream media outlets uncritically promotes gender transition and everything that comes with it, including parents who are celebrating their child’s new identity as the opposite sex.
This is her story.
Crushed beyond belief, Meagher went home and spent several days bedridden, nearly paralyzed with heartache.
At the recommendation of a friend, she had gone in to see this particular counselor for help in processing her confusion and sadness after her 23-year-old daughter, Sophie, informed her that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship and asked that she not try to contact her. Sophie believed she was transgender and had changed her name to Sol, began taking testosterone, and was going through life as though she was a man.
Sophie is the second of Meagher’s children to identify as transgender.
In 2003, Meagher’s son, Chris, who is now 36 and has legally changed his name to Christine, came home on leave from the Navy at Christmas and announced he had always wanted to be a woman. Approximately two years later he traveled to Thailand and had his genitals amputated, got breast implants, and had his Adam’s apple shaved down, which is called a chondrolaryngoplasty. Chris was ultimately kicked out of the military because it was said that he had a personality disorder. Meagher also has a third child, a daughter, Audrey, who is 22.
She is using her real name in this article and not a pseudonym — as others with similar stories have done — because she feels she must be courageous given the current state of affairs. Because her children are not minors, she faces no potential legal repercussions as has been the case in several jurisdictions around the country when parents refuse to go along with their children’s self-determined “gender identity” and the accompanying therapies, medical practices, and surgical interventions.
“The reason I am choosing to speak publicly is because I want people to be aware of the grief and loss that many parents experience. I have talked with many parents who describe their lives as a horror film. Watching your child struggle is one thing. Watching them reject their body, insist they are now a different person, a different sex, demand hormone treatments and a new identity, it’s unbelievably difficult,” Meagher said in a February interview.
“Add to that the fact that it’s nearly impossible to get help either for yourself or your child that’s not transgender-affirming, and help your child to actually sort out their issues, and parents are isolated in this grief.”
Chris becomes Christine
Meagher lost contact with her son for nearly a decade after he came out as transgender. She reconnected with him in 2013, which was a struggle because she didn’t feel she could call him “she” or a woman, and use his preferred female name while remaining true to her beliefs — particularly that sex cannot be changed and no amount of cosmetic surgery can alter biology.
“I did the best I could to have a relationship with him where I just loved him for himself, and was hoping that we could just disagree on what we disagreed with and love each other anyway,” Meagher said.
They managed a workable relationship until the spring of 2016 when he asked her a “litmus test” type of question about a pending bill in the state related to whether bathrooms and other single-sex intimate spaces should be opened on the basis of “gender identity.” When she didn’t answer the way he wanted, he wrote her out of his life, she explained.
Meagher only saw her son one time after the 2016 presidential election. It was at a coffee shop where he called her a “fascist” several times. He had met her to ask if he could obtain a copy of her birth certificate. Meagher was born in Canada and he was exploring the possibility of moving there in light of Donald Trump winning.
“I didn’t even want to discuss these issues with him. I felt like he was allowed to believe what he wanted to believe and be who he was but I wasn’t allowed the same thing, to be who I had always been. I wasn’t allowed to be me. I had to change what I believed in order to be acceptable to him,” Meagher said.
The mother of three describes herself as a Bible-believing Christian with conservative-leaning political views.
Chris started telling other family members and siblings what a horrible person Meagher was. Whenever he was around he would manage to control the family dynamics in order to forbid her from being present. She missed out on family events like her daughter’s graduation, holidays, and birthdays. To Meagher’s bewilderment, somehow he was able to manipulate everyone, ensuring that she was always excluded. The only times Meagher could see her daughters was when he wasn’t around.
Meagher and her husband got divorced in 2015. Sophie presently lives with her dad, Meagher’s ex-husband.
Becoming trans has not helped her son, she maintains.
Although he is “extremely brilliant” he remains unemployed and has never been able to hold a steady job, she told CP. “And he’s pretty unhappy, he has a lot of anxiety. He’s basically one break-up with his partner — who is also a trans-identified male — away from being homeless. If that relationship were to break up I really don’t know what he would do because he doesn’t have gainful employment.
“He doesn’t have a vagina. He has a wound,” a physical and a psychological one, she said.
How Sophie became Sol
Sophie, who is now 24, is also a brilliant, “really, really bright” person, Meagher says of her daughter.
“She’s extremely gifted, artistic. She can write, she can draw. Musically, she can pick up any instrument and play it. She’s got all these gifts.”
But middle and high school was a struggle for her and she struggled to fit in with her peers, “like a lot of bright kids do.”
When she was 15 and 16, it was particularly bad as she dealt with depression and was self-harming by cutting herself.
Meagher never saw any sign of gender confusion in her daughter. For a season she came out of her room dressed in men’s clothes. But when she inquired why she was dressing like a man, Sophie told her the clothes were simply more comfortable. During that same season, she would often emerge from her room looking different, wearing makeup and a variety of hairstyles. Meagher attributed this to her daughter’s extensive creativity. Sophie at one point wanted to be a special effects make-up artist.
“I used to joke that every day was Halloween because she’d come out looking different every day,” she said, chuckling. “I didn’t say anything about it except ‘Hey, how are ya?'”
Soon enough she was wearing girls’ clothes again.
June 10, 2018, was the last time Meagher saw Sophie, and when they were together her daughter had on a skirt and “looked pretty.”
“We went out for a really nice dinner, had a good time, she told me she loved me, and then I dropped her off at her dad’s house,” Meagher recounted.
Meagher then left the country and spent several weeks in Liberia. When she returned she texted Sophie and received either brush-off replies or got no response at all. Meagher started becoming concerned, wondering why Sophie was avoiding her and started intuiting that something was wrong but didn’t know what it was. As time went by and the pattern of Sophie saying, “I’m sorry, I’m busy” continued, her worries mounted.
In October, Meagher found out Sophie had legally changed her name to Sol. She then managed to get her on the phone and heard her voice for the first time in over three months.
“It was deep. It was not her voice,” Meagher lamented.
Sophie did not know her mother had found out about the name change and when Meagher heard her voice she knew she was on testosterone. When she asked her what was going on with her voice, Sophie told her she had a cold. A few days later Meagher called her workplace and asked to speak with Sol, and was informed that “he” was not there at the moment and was asked if she wanted to leave “him” a message.
“And then I knew for absolute sure that she was living as a male person … and that was pretty devastating,” Meagher said.
“I felt I was living in a dream, a nightmare,” she added, thinking to herself, “Is this really happening? What is going on?”
She could talk to no one about this, as her siblings and father were going along with it to varying degrees and were supportive of Sophie’s transition.
“I can’t even describe what it’s like to see your own child’s face with the opposite gender superimposed on it. It’s just … I can’t even describe it. It’s really hard. They still look like your child but kind of not. It’s like they are still there but are behind this gender thing,” Meagher said.
She tried not to think about it, but couldn’t help but wonder as she lied awake at night thinking about what Sophie would look like with a bearded face and a masculine haircut. On one such night soon after that phone call, Meagher realized she would likely never hear her daughter’s voice again.
“Testosterone has permanent effects,” she explained, “and one of the effects is that it deepens the voice and often that is permanent even if you go off of it. Your voice is never going to be the same again.”
Growth of body and facial hair is another such permanent effect.
“It hit me then and it still hits me a lot that I’m never going to hear her voice again. And a lot of times I’ll close my eyes and try to remember what her pre-testosterone voice sounds like. Because I’m really afraid that I’m going to forget what her voice sounds like and I’m pretty sure I’m never going to hear it again,” she said.
“And that makes me unbelievably sad.”
Another loss she has felt acutely is her daughter’s rejection of her own name. If she was to call her by her given name, “Sophie,” that is now considered “dead-naming,” which transgender activists say is a form of psychological abuse.
“So now, her name that we gave her is now something she considers hateful,” she said.
Sophie soon also changed her phone number, so Meagher sent her an email telling her that she wanted to be in her life and that she loved her.
A devastating letter in the mail
A week later when Meagher went to retrieve the mail she found a letter from Sophie waiting for her in the mailbox, printed on computer paper. The note was five brief sentences.
This is difficult to write but I feel the time is right to do it. I don’t believe it is good or healthy for me to maintain our relationship. I will not be initiating further contact with you and ask that you respect my wish for no further contact. Please avoid attempting to get in touch with me through phone, social media, in-person contact, or through third parties like Audrey, Dad, or family friends. I wish you well and hope you find peace and happiness in your future.
Upon reading it Meagher froze, and it was as though someone had stomped on her heart.
“It was like the bottom fell out of the world,” she elaborated.
A friend came over and Meagher fell apart.
“So she has a new name and a new voice. But the other thing we have is this new relationship now which is that we don’t have a relationship anymore,” Meagher said.
Sophie knows her mom disagrees with transgender ideology, disagreement Meagher senses Sophie considers as disapproval of her. But that’s such a misunderstanding of how she feels, Meagher stressed.
“It’s not that I don’t approve, it’s that I just don’t think transing herself is going to solve her problems. And I know this is not going to bring happiness into her life. This is going to bring hardship, a lifetime of medical treatments. I know transitioning is an empty promise.”
Meagher knows where her daughter works and lives but that could soon change and then she won’t have any knowledge of her whereabouts or how she’s doing. She is fairly sure her daughter is saving money to have her breasts removed.
“I especially don’t want to see her get a mastectomy and stay on testosterone. This is going to be a heavy, heavy chain to put around her neck for the rest of her life. For her to have to wear that … it just grieves me more than I have words for. It’s a grief that I just can’t tell you how hard it is,” she said.
“It’s almost worse than a death because she’s alive but not with me at all.”
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SOURCE: Christian Post, Brandon Showalter