I want to wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart, just not with these songs.
Okay, I’ve got a confession. About half of what’s played on those obnoxious 24-hour Christmas music stations drives me mad. In fact, I’ve banned several songs from the office. In between the ever-reliable covers of classic carols, there are some truly horrific songs that, like flu season, tax day, and zombies, just keep coming back each year.
I’m thinking of songs like Joan Javits’ “Santa Baby,” most famously sung by Madonna. It’s everything a Christmas song shouldn’t be: vaguely creepy, materialistic, whiny, and barely safe for young ears.
Then there’s Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time,” a confusing tangle of synthesized noise with thinly-veiled references to getting drunk that held the title for dumbest Christmas song ever, until Train’s “Shake Up Christmas.” Not a single sentence in that entire song makes any sense whatsoever.
The Babylon Bee nailed another unbearable holiday ditty with the headline: “Thorn in Paul’s Flesh Revealed To Be Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas.’” You know the one: “Last Christmas I gave you my heart/But the very next day you gave it away.” I’m with Paul.
Last but not least, there’s the song that seems to play on the hour on every Christmas station, which the only native Spanish-speaker on our BreakPoint team confirmed is even more annoying in your first language: “Feliz Navidad.” Apologies to any fans out there, but I’ve had dental appointments that didn’t drag on as long as that song.
The annual assault on our ears is that much more depressing when you consider the striking, profound, glorious, and even transcendent music that’s available for Advent and Christmas. Consider some lines from the classic carols of the season:
“God of God, Light of Light/Lo, He abhors not the Virgin’s womb … Word of the Father/Now in flesh appearing” — that’s “O Come, All Ye Faithful.”
Or “No more let sins and sorrows grow/Nor thorns infest the ground/He comes to make His blessings flow/Far as the curse is found” — that’s “Joy to the World.”
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SOURCE: Christian Post, John Stonestreet and G. Shane Morris