It’s that time of year when single adults begin to feel left out, rejected, lonely or unloveable. They sometimes question God (for the 100th time) as to whether or not He has called them to remain single for their entire life. Like Jesus, Paul and others, they want to know if they were created to be a eunuch for the Kingdom of God or if they should wait for His “perfect timing.” The holidays are indeed a difficult time for them on so many levels.
It can be a time when some relinquish their hope for marriage to a misinterpretation of what a call from God looks like.
We’re all called to be single for some part of our lives, whether it is before marriage, after a divorce or upon the death of our spouse. But the question remains, “Am I called to remain single for the rest of my life?”
Below are a few reasons why some people believe they have such a call when they haven’t and why some who have the call just don’t know it yet.
I. God Heals You First So That the Call is Not Received in the Confusion of Brokenness
Many people who are NOT called to be permanently single need to ask the Lord if their perceived call to singleness is actually a manifestation of unhealed brokenness. Such areas can include:
– unresolved anger at parents who keep pressuring them to marry. It’s a passive-aggressive form of revenge – meaning that their desire to remain single is actually a way of getting back at parents they still don’t like or trust. Unrenounced vows and unforgiveness toward such parent(s) play a large part in such cases.
– fear, hatred or anger toward the opposite sex (for whatever reason)
– fear of marriage itself, and the commitment that it demands of each partner
– the kind of fear and unbelief that creates self-doubt
– unhealed narcissism
– unrestrained romanticism (often intertwined with narcissism) that demands perfection from their intended spouse due to romantic notions that do not reflect reality
Even though God called me to the gift of singleness, before doing so, He healed me of many broken areas, so that later in life, I would not have doubts that my “Yes” to Him had been uttered from brokenness rather than out of a true call.
II. God Does Not Impose a Call to Singleness. He Works Within the Heart and Mind so That the Person Gracefully Embraces the Honor that is Being Offered. The Option to Decline the Offer is Always on the Table.
This was how God approached me when He called me to stay single. He offered it as a grace, an honor and a blessing, while making it clear that there would be no remonstration or disappointment on His part should I say “No”. The unexpected result was that it actually freed me to say “Yes”.
Let not any eunuch complain, “I am only a dry tree.” For this is what the LORD says: “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who choose what pleases Me and hold fast to My covenant – to them I will give within My temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off.”
To illustrate the point, when a parent is trying to persuade a toddler to eat their food, rather than forcing it on them, they will sometimes make eating attractive by making an airplane out of the spoon, which then comes in for a landing in the mouth of the now delighted child. Though an imperfect analogy, it illustrates the fact that God sometimes orchestrates events in order to persuade us to choose something that we actually would choose if we were mature enough, wise enough, or if we had His eternal perspective.
III. God Works a Physical Miracle in a Person’s Body so That He/She can Physically and Emotionally Endure the Peculiar Nature of a Call to Singleness
For those who will eventually marry, this miracle is of course, temporary. Most refuse to ask for such a miracle because they fear that this quenching of sexual desire will be permanent. However, God is God and can bring those passions back in the same manner that He took them away, and at the right time.
For the person called to be permanently single, however, this is a great grace that most definitely should be sought. For them, God brings about a mystical completion of their sexuality whereby they are espoused to God and completed (or integrated) by Him in the way that healthy married couples complete one another.
One caveat, however, is that such a miracle must be sought persistently and with faith. It doesn’t happen automatically.
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SOURCE: Christian Post, David Kyle Foster