How does a pastor’s wife, who is often lonely, make genuine friends? Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren, recently provided some advice on developing friendships, including “testing” people to make sure they don’t spread gossip.
During a Facebook Live session last week, Warren and three other ministry leaders’ wives answered questions on burnout, loneliness and handling criticism, among other issues. When asked how pastors’ wives can make friends and how they would know if they’re genuine, Warren provided three tips.
First, “don’t look for a brand new Christian.” She explained that someone who is new to the Christian faith “typically is not going to be able to handle the fact that you’ve got stuff, that you’re human.”
Second, Warren conducts “little tests” with people.
“I might share something about myself and then I kind of wait to see if it makes its rounds, if other people know … of what I said and then I know that person isn’t confidential,” she said. “So you might test little bits of your story or yourself with another person and see if … they’re able to contain the fact.”
Third, “look for people who don’t need you.”
“I found as the pastor’s wife that there were always plenty of people who wanted to be around me because of my role. … It made them feel good, it made them feel that somehow they were on the inside,” said Warren, whose husband is pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California and author of the best-selling The Purpose Driven Life.
“I’ve always looked for people who don’t need me,” she said. “They love me, they care about me. … We could be at the same event and I don’t even have to sit next to them because they don’t need the spotlight. They just love me for me.”
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SOURCE: The Christian Post