Were You Using Ashley Madison? Here’s How to Confess

REUTERS / CHRIS WATTIE The homepage of the Ashley Madison website is displayed on an iPad, in this photo illustration taken in Ottawa, Canada July 21, 2015.
The homepage of the Ashley Madison website is displayed on an iPad, in this photo illustration taken in Ottawa, Canada July 21, 2015.

Have you been using AshleyMadison.com, but now fear that your affair will become public knowledge?

Live long enough and you learn this lesson: Anyone might do anything in certain circumstances. Just as bad people do bad things, sometimes good people do bad things; not just “minor” things, such as the proverbial white lie, but major things.

Including adultery.

Presidents, governors, athletes, religious leaders, and a mass of others have been caught breaking their marriage vows. Research indicates men still outpace women in unfaithfulness, but if trends continue, that won’t be for long. Nearly as many wives stray as do husbands.

And sometimes people intentionally go out looking to have an affair. Such is the case with the affair-approving website AshleyMadison.com.



Except for same-gender liaisons, affairs involve at least one man AND one woman. If you carry the illusion that most trysts involve a married man and a single woman, you’re behind the times. Married women also stray for myriad reasons. With increased mobility, increased communication technology, the explosion of social interaction sites such as Facebook, and a number of other things, married women are presented with opportunities for temptation unheard of just fifty years ago. If those women are unhappy, disrespected, ignored, or emotionally abandoned, they become susceptible to temptation.

No one is above temptation. Especially when sites like Ashley Madison make the temptation into an easy to start reality.

Everyone is flawed. While temptations differ from person to person, crossing boundaries with someone other than your spouse appears to be one of the strongest. Reported statistics vary, but it appears that adultery affects about 60% of marriages. Sometimes it happens early in the marriage; sometimes late. In some cases it is the husband; in others, the wife. Statistically it appears it doesn’t matter whether people claim to be religious or not or whether they see themselves as good people or bad people.

Usually, I’m approached by the spouse who just discovered the unfaithfulness of the other. This morning I responded to several people on our marriage forum who found out their spouses were cheating and sought direction on what to do to save their marriages. However, this article isn’t for those whose spouse cheated; it’s for those who strayed. Specifically, I address it to people who have crossed boundaries with another person, but want to save their marriages.

Yes, it happens. Good people sometimes make very poor decisions and violate their beliefs and values. When they “wake up,” whatever the reason, they most often feel deep penitence and have strong desire to save their marriages. They live in fear that their spouses may discover what happened. They also live with guilt that haunts them to tell their spouses so they can get forgiveness and move on. However, they also live with the fear that if they tell their spouses, the spouses may not forgive and divorce will follow.

And sometimes sites are hacked and identifying information is threatened to be released. It’s best to confess what happened before your loved ones find out in another way.

If you are ready to tell your spouse what you have done before you are discovered, I recommend three main steps.

Click here for more.

SOURCE: The Christian Post
Kimberly Holmes writes for MarriageHelper.com. If your marriage needs help, click here to request more information, call them toll free at 866-903-0990 or email at [email protected]