As Denise George writes in her book, What Women Wish Pastors Knew, Miriam's husband "controls her every move through intimidating manipulation. He holds tight the financial purse strings, and often threatens her with divorce. . . . He keeps her isolated from friends and family . . . monitors her phone calls, and usually keeps her from attending church worship and other church activities."
Miriam's husband tells her she is stupid and worthless, and accuses her of cheating on him. Miriam has become "so beaten down emotionally" that she "endures his profanity and demeaning insults."
Shocking as it may seem, domestic abuse is about as common in Christian homes as it is anywhere else. But too often, churches ignore the problem. Most pastors haven't been trained to deal with it and have no idea how to help or protect abused women-especially when the husband appears outwardly charming, easy-going, and pious.
Authorities on domestic abuse define abuse as "a pattern of coercive control directed toward the victim." It may involve anything from verbal abuse and threats, to hitting, kicking, and choking. It might involve cutting off access to food, stalking, and sexual coercion. Abused women live in constant fear, and they are often too ashamed to tell anyone about it.
But in recent years, religious groups have begun speaking out on their behalf. For instance, an online group called RAVE (Religion and Violence E-learning) spent 15 years gathering statistics from some 500 religious leaders about domestic abuse. Among their findings: Pastors believe that one in five couples in their congregation has a violent relationship. Eighty-three percent say they have counseled at least one abused woman.
And yet most pastors have never preached a sermon condemning domestic violence. Most have little or no contact with local shelters and those who run them.
The women who sit in our pews deserve better. Pastors must learn how to help victims and hold abusive husbands accountable. And because the safety of abused spouses is an immediate priority, they ought to learn the locations of the nearest shelters and, better still, organize their own programs and shelters.
An expert on domestic abuse in Christian homes, Catherine Clark Kroeger, adjunct associate professor at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary, explains why. It's because churches can achieve "a rate of success far beyond that of their secular counterparts."
Kroeger defines success as "no more battering. No more arrests for assault and battery." And many couples have found, through Christian resources, that their marriages can be saved as men "come to love and cherish their wives."
Does your church offer a biblical perspective on domestic violence? If you've never heard a sermon on the subject, bring it up with your pastor. Visit BreakPoint.org for Christian resources on domestic abuse.
The Bible tells us to rescue the oppressed, the needy, and the downtrodden-to do justice and righteousness to those who suffer. We disobey God when we ignore the women in our own ranks, many of whom suffer alone.
Source: Christian Post
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Mark Gungor (www.laughyourway.com) has some great thoughts on how to help these people when they go through situations like this. It's called consequences.
The wife should separate from the husband until he understands that he is to no longer to treat her with disrespect. If he threatens her with divorce she should call his bluff. Most of the time it isn't what he wants to do or why else would he be holding on so tightly.
Lastly, get the church involved. Most men don't like others to know that he is doing this. Why else would he be keeping her from church unless he is not a believer?
The men of the church, if he is a believer, need to step up and hold this man accountable for his actions. He should not be treating his wife in this manor.
He can not manipulate her if she has strength in numbers on her side.
When they got married, I'm sure there were a lot of people there that witnessed them saying "I do", it is up to them to hold the couple accountable to those vows. Marriage is not a two person road when you are a believer.
If the church fails to bring these problems out into the open they take the chance on the marriage failing or worse someone dying because of the abuse.
Hold fast to our beliefs and make sure that we are holding each other accountable.
For the past twenty years, my family and I have performed a play entitled, "Smiling Faces". This play focuses on the issue of abuse and neglect as it pertains to women in the church. The play is approximately 90 mins in length, which includes a workshop teaches laypeople how to identify abuse in the congregations, and ways to combat this very devastating social and spiritual disease.
I was happy to read your article because we thought that were the only spiritual group getting the word out in our area. Perhaps we can collaborate our audience so we can get the word out to the masses.
For further information please email me at acahoe52@hotmail.com
Thank You and God Bless