Show Genuine Love to Your Sons-Hugs will Prevent Thugs, by Kevin D. Barnes, Sr.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

-I John 4:18

W hat is missing in many of the homes where young black men are being raised, is a sense of family. I believe that this is the primary reason why many of our young black men join gangs-they do not feel like they are a part of their biological family; therefore, being a member of a gang, gives them a feeling of being wanted and appreciated in a family-like unit. 

Contrary to what the world says, young black men still need love and appreciation long after they turn eighteen years of age. You are the only person who can give them this feeling, because no one else will love them the way you can.

Now, you may be asking, how can I show my sons that I love them and help them feel wanted in our family? Well, here are some things that I do:

1. I always tell my sons "I Love you." No matter how many times a day Kevin, Keith, Kenneth and I talk, I always end the conversation with "I love you." And they always say back to me, "Love you, Pops."

2. I hug my sons regularly. Growing up, I don't remember getting a lot of hugs, and sometimes I believe that that was what I needed most. I would hug my sons before they went to school, and after they came home from school. Hugging your sons lets them know that you are proud of them and that you love them. Even though two of my sons do not like to be hugged, now that they are grown, I still hug them, sometimes.

3. I encourage my sons. My wife and I always encourage our boys to be the best that they

can be in everything. We do not use the words "I can't" when talking to our sons. It is always "I can."

4. I teach my sons the importance of team work. As I mentioned before, all three of my sons play music, and whenever a Gospel group asks one of my sons to play for them, he will always ask, "Can my brothers play also, because we are in this together?" By teaching

your sons this important principle, they will feel more accepted than they would if they did

everything individually.

5. I keep in mind that all of my sons are different. In raising sons, sometimes, we must

learn to wait on their individual progress. In each of my sons, their needs are different:

Kevin Jr. needs the reassurance that he will be okay; Keith needs to be encouraged; and

Kenny needs to feel special. Therefore, with all those different needs, I discovered that they each needed time to grow in their own way.

Remember, the more love and encouragement you give your sons while they are growing up, the more confident and secure they will feel about themselves within your family and when they are grown. Hugs will prevent thugs.

Don't be afraid to tell your sons "I love you."

Don't be ashamed to give your sons a hug. They need it.

Yes, admonish your sons when they are wrong, but whenever they are doing well tell them so. Be a blessing to your sons and encourage them.

Teach your sons the importance of team-work.

Realize that all of your sons are different, and they each need different amounts of time to

grow.