In my previous article, I asked why do Christian men date and marry outside of the church. Referencing some of the high profile Christian pastors and leaders who have turned to Hollywood to find their mates (Pastor Devon Franklin and actress Meagan Good, Gospel artist Israel Houghton and singer/talk show host Adrienne Bailon, Pastor Jamal Bryant and R&B singer Tweet, etc.).
In that article, I talked to single Christian women to get the reasons they’ve encountered as to why they were being overlooked for less-traditional church girls and women outside the church altogether.
Little did I know that the men would be so vocal regarding this topic. I received countless emails, social media posts and instant messages regarding this topic. The men were ready to talk and express their feelings regarding this hot button topic. Ladies, hold on because some of the answers you might not be ready for. And also, note, this is not an attack on all Christian women; it’s just the perception of these men. So please remember, I am just the messenger.
[Before going any further, I would like to apologize to the men. In my previous article, my intention was to share what seemed to be taking place more frequently in the church. It was never to imply that “all” Christian men were guilty of this behavior. So I apologize if that sentiment was implied.]
Here are the top 12 answers that I repeatedly received as to why Christian men (between the ages of 30-55) date outside of the church.
Men say they need to feel valued and needed. They claim Christian women do a poor job of making a man feel that way. Christian women act as if they have a chip on their shoulder and don’t need or want a man because they have Jesus. So the men go where they are wanted and needed.
Your Pastor, Deacon and Church Family
There should only be one man in your relationship and that is the man you are dating—not your pastor’s opinions, statements or sermons. These men say they don’t want to hear what the pastor had to say. When Christian women constantly state “Pastor said this and Pastor said that…”It turns a man off. He wants to be the only one that you admire and quote, not your pastor. (Plus, he’s uncomfortable that another man has so much sway over you.)
They think the most traditional church girls are not available because they are in the church 24/7. It’s hard to date a woman who isn’t available.
No Other Exposure
They say some Christian women have a limited point of reference because all they know is the church. They say most lack balance. For example, they can quote the Bible but can’t discuss the latest topics affecting the culture. Their life experiences are limited, they aren’t well traveled, some lack cultural exposure and many are clueless to world events.
There is only one God, and these men say they don’t want or need the woman in their life playing the role of God. We all mature and grow spiritually at a different pace. They say, just because a man isn’t growing at the same rate or slower doesn’t mean he isn’t growing. Though it’s nice to want better for your man, these men think God doesn’t need a woman badgering or judging him regarding his spiritual maturity. If God is okay with the rate of his spiritual growth, why aren’t you?
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SOURCE: Black and Married with Kids – Judi Mason